Advised – ‘Fools’ Tripping Around Europe

•November 22, 2013 • 5 Comments

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt – Mark Twain.

This is more of an appeal than a post. It is an appeal to those who are totally and utterly stupid that they please heed the excellent advice of Mr Twain above. Therefore it is of course not, I hasten to add, aimed at my readers. However, for those for whom this is too much to take in and they are chatterboxes, at least resist from using the World Wide Web by proving it in writing.

Ah Yes...

Ah Yes…

I get that we all say daft things. Sometimes, as a girlfriend of mine used to say, my switch between thought and speech can be firmly off. However when enough time passes from the formulation of the initial thought, the thinking ‘I might post that online’, going to a device that enables one to do so and then watching ones fingers (I am making the assumption that none of the characters with whom I am about to acquaint you can touch-type) type the words onto a forum with more than 100 million users, something ought to say, ‘hang on, is this sensible?’ and then ‘stop’.

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Waking Up To Elephants – Hannibal Crosses The Alps

•November 9, 2013 • 8 Comments

Yesterday Gregorio and I became friends. For him, this was based mainly on the act of his learning how to say ‘elephant’ (in Italian I should add). In all honesty, during our two hours together, we never progressed much beyond ‘fante’ instead of ‘ELE-fante’, but then this was only the first time we met. Here is a photo of the book we were reading – who remembers just what a long story Tarzan is?

Gregorio's Elephant...

Gregorio’s Elephant…

Gregorio used my Iphone to snap the picture and, judging by his enjoyment in doing so, if not a biologist, together we might have initiated a future career – or better; passion, as a photographer. Gregorio I’d say is about four.

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Thank Goodness For Balloons – My First Marathon, Venice 2013

•November 8, 2013 • 10 Comments

‘This could go several ways, all of them ugly’

So recalls Mark Rowlands (Running With The Pack) his last thoughts immediately prior to the gun on the starting line of his Miami Marathon 2011. In all my research into the philosophy of running I have not been able to find more apt, nor profound, words to describe what was going through my mind as I stood on the line of the 2013 Venice Marathon – the 28th – but crucially, my first. That and ‘my God I can’t believe I need to pee again.’

It Might Not Be Pretty, But...

It Might Not Be Pretty, But…

Right, now please stop reading (well actually please read until the end of this paragraph then stop).
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Travelling With Feelings – My Favourite Photos of 2013

•October 4, 2013 • 8 Comments

2013 In Photos…

2013… Yes well. It’s fair to say at the start of the year I had only one ambition. Ten months in, it’s equally fair to say I have, despite the very best intentions and all the effort I could muster, failed spectacularly in achieving that.

This failure has lead me all too often to also fail in seeing the bigger picture. In every other way this has been a great year (at least work wise); I have guided in more than 20 countries and found two wonderful new agencies to work for. I have new friends as well as re-kindled past friendships.

I have managed to continue my true love of writing and visited some incredible places. I admit there were times when this all seemed a little pointless, but as my working season draws to a close and I write these words overlooking the Tagus in Lisbon from the best hotel I have stayed in all year, this city has been the reminder of how fortunate I am.

Now with only two weeks of guiding left (until January) I miss – and always intended this to be a year of – travelling for two, but I am consoled by (and certainly have lived by) the words of Alvardo de Campos…

The best way to travel, after all, is to feel. To feel everything in every way…

Here is the collection my favourite photos from moments from 2013 where I certainly felt… Enjoy!

The Past

The Past

An old hotel by Lake Como. The Lake has become somewhat of a second home for me this year. I am extremely grateful to all I met. A big hug to Nina especially.

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Sebastião – The Lost King of Portugal

•October 3, 2013 • Leave a Comment

On August 4th 1578 24 year old King Sebastião of Portugal charged at the battle of Alcazarquivir in modern-day Morocco and was never seen again.

Was he killed? Did he escape? History leaves us with few clues. Determined to re-conquer lost lands of Morocco for his country, ultimately he lost Portugal itself. He was convinced he was brought to this place by signs, omens and the will of God.

Mad, yes Mad, because I would have greatness

Mad, yes Mad, because I would have greatness

He was accused of madness and urged to abandon his quest. But he never gave up.

King Sebastião has passed into legend as ‘The King Arthur’ of Portugal – a sleeping giant who will one day to return in his country’s darkest hour. A cult has grown up around him and there are those who to this day still believe that his ship will sail up the Tagus and the King will return.

The following I wrote whilst in his beloved Lisboa imagining his last hours in the Moroccan desert…

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Natalia and The Snow Globe…

•September 21, 2013 • 11 Comments

The following is in every sense a true story…

Until September the 20th, 2013 at around ten to five in afternoon, I disliked, with a passion… snow globes. But that was before I turned the corner of Rue Des Cuisiniers in Bayeux, Normandy and learned all about Natalia.

The epitome of tourist tack is how I have always considered the snow globe. Its existence somehow justified by its outdated ‘use’ as paperweights or even, heaven forbid, objects of art.

The Height of Tack

The Height of Tack

Two categories into which it slips rather uncomfortably. Anyone who knows what I do for a living can imagine how many gift shops I have passed through. The fact that still today, it is a safe bet you can find tucked away on those wooden display shelves, somewhere, a snow globe, has always astounded me. Who buys them? Why?

I once made the mistake to confess to a group, this utter disregard for these champions of kitsch.
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‘The Bridge’ – One (Brave) Man And His Guitar, Edinburgh Festival

•August 28, 2013 • 6 Comments

Recently I had a chance to visit Edinburgh during the Festival. What a city, what a Festival and what an atmosphere. I had forgotten just how incredible the place is, having not visited in over a decade, and I had absolutely no clue just how amazing it is when the Festival is in town. A very good friend of mine was starring in a play and being not only a wonderful actress, but an amazing host, she’d arranged a series of comedies for us to see over the two days – so many laughs.

One evening I met an extraordinary chap at an actors sort of party we were privileged enough to attend. A young American he is the author of the wonderfully titled ‘Jihad! The Musical’.

Clever Clever - The Power of Laughter

Clever Clever – The Power of Laughter

The – as you can imagine – controversial show, sold out in London when it was put on at the Jermyn Street Theatre in 2010. Despite 26 signatures calling for its banning, one of the main songs – I Want To Be Like Osama is now approaching half a million views.

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Norway – Walking in The Fjords; You Are All Invited to ‘The Tour Guide’s Tour’…

•August 27, 2013 • 6 Comments

‘Why don’t they ever let us Tour Guides actually design the trips?’

How many times have I sat at bars, around lunch tables, stood in lines, waited at airports and heard this lament from fellow tour guides, tour leaders, tour managers or whichever particular job title they have us assuming for that tour? ‘They’ being the agencies or tour operators for whom we are often asked to perform virtually the impossible, often the logistically infeasible and even on occasions the down-right stupid.

Back to my Roots - May Sees my Return to Norway...

Back to my Roots – May Sees my Return to Norway…

I have marvelled time and again at what must be itineraries put together with the only thought seemingly, the more they see, the better or the happier they will be. Recently I was asked to take a group 500 kms from Lucerne via Pisa to Florence in time for dinner.

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Life’s Rich Tapestry – Dovecot Studios, Renaissance Tapestries and The Zen of Weaving

•August 27, 2013 • Leave a Comment

If only certain things had been preventable, his life would have unfurled in front of him as intended, like a lush Oriental carpet. No surprises, no detours. Just a thick tapestry of days and nights that at the end of his time on earth, he could roll up and proudly claim as his own – Shilpa Agarwal

Now, see Christ? Yes? Good. So, I want you to fix your eyes on the slab of the tomb pointing directly towards you on which he is standing and keep looking at that stone as you walk all the way past the tapestry.

Stepping Out... Christ on the 'Miracle' Tapestry

Stepping Out… Christ on the ‘Miracle’ Tapestry

And so it came to pass that, following the instructions of Antonio my expert Vatican Guide, as a rookie tour manager fourteen years ago, aged only 23, I walked past Christ and discovered that tapestries are fascinating; the slab, woven nearly five hundred years ago, no matter from which angle I gazed at it, pointed directly at me. Incredible.

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Antandros Antik Kenti – Falling Into a Well

•May 30, 2013 • 2 Comments

Recently, as I do all too often, I walked through an airport. In a gigantic room, before Departures, a modern artist has installed a series of white lights. The room is pitch black. A plaque, I imagine read by virtually no one, explains his work. In this, place of journeys, he wants to make people aware that walking through his opera, at this very moment in time, is a direct result of each and every footstep we have taken up until that instant in our lives. This might seem a little obvious, but his words, read bleary eyed before a 6 a.m flight have stayed with me and provided a surprising, morale boosting even, much needed encouragement for my future.

We are all on journeys, but some seem a little more aware of where they are headed than I have been lately (perhaps ever?)

Muezzin Call To Prayer - Best Alarm in The World?

Muezzin Call To Prayer – Best Alarm in The World?

Sitting in Ayvalik, Turkey, waiting for a morning ferry to Lesvos, Greece, I was awoken this morning by the 4.50 a.m call to prayer of the Muezzin of Camlibel. Here everything, and hence everyone’s journey is historically based of course on a very fatalistic acceptance of whatever happens – Inshallah, if Allah wills it. In the land of philosophers to which I am bound, they created the stoic tradition; making the best we can of immovable situations by adjusting our responses to them. Whatever the truth, it can at times seem as though there is frightfully little room for manoeuvre.

I have spent two weeks now in Turkey, visiting sites where some of the greatest thinkers who ever lived, thought.

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