{"id":4454,"date":"2019-06-24T08:24:13","date_gmt":"2019-06-24T08:24:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2ndcupoftea.com\/?p=4454"},"modified":"2019-06-24T08:24:21","modified_gmt":"2019-06-24T08:24:21","slug":"waiting-for-akash","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/2ndcupoftea.com\/?p=4454","title":{"rendered":"Waiting for Akash…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Open space, sky<\/em>. That’s the meaning of your name my son. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To me it still feels like that’s exactly from where your journey began. It was more than a year ago you set off, announcing your departure in a dream planted in the mind of your mother. Now, a little over 38 weeks old, your journey from ether through womb is nearly complete. It’s soon time for you to join me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As such you now know your mum better than anyone – afteral you, and not I, have heard what her heart sounds like from the inside. A week ago, I heard your<\/em> heartbeat again. Regular and strong. Any day now we will all be together. Then it will be my turn to begin to get to know you as your mum already does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know you just a little already. I know you move a lot. When asked, your mum will laugh and say, when do you ever not move. I know you asked to be called Akash, seemingly one of the few things we agreed upon. I have seen your profile on scans, your hands and forehead. But as a father, at this stage, that is about as much as I can know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last week was ‘Father’s Day’. It doesn’t really count for me yet. But it will do. And though celebreated or acknowledged only once a year, every day for me will soon be father’s day. I am nervous. I am excited and I am scared. But I know none of these feelings are unique to me. All imminent dads must feel that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not long ago, whilst working in Portugal I had somewhat of an epiphany. I suddenly felt an overwhelming and total understanding for all fathers who have to travel. Whilst growing up, I recall my parents only going away once or twice and how much I hated when they did. I judged parents of school friends harshly for ‘always’ being away. Whilst I was abroad, reluctantly away from all I love, working close to twenty hour days for nearly a month, it became clear to me I had been wrong all those years ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why was I here? Why was I working? Whichever way I phrased the question, the answer was always the same; for you, for our family. Always. Every time. Every minute and hour I worked. And now, as you will one day discover, for various reasons it looks like I will have to continue not being around as much as I wanted. And this worries me; will you still love me, will you understand, will we even speak the same language… I fear for the bond that I dreamt of establishing with you. Will you forgive me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a small village somewhere outside Barcelona, next to my bed lies a business card for a 24 hour taxi service. My phone is with me constantly. Every occasion it makes a noise, makes my heart jump; Could this be it<\/em>? My pulse races, then settles; false alarm. I am ready. My overnight bag, as instructed, is ready. I can’t wait. Occasionally I get an update; a few more contractions… Your mother tells me she is very tired. This is a good sign she also tells me; it means you<\/em> are nearly ready. True, this is not how I expected these final days to be. Somewhere between the dream of your mother and mine, something was lost in translation… <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Akash, you will soon be born into a world of love. My experience of which has been mostly all too fleeting. But what I can promise you awaits out here is unconditional<\/em> love. You have a wonderful big brother in Jai from whom you can learn so much, a dog who you will together no doubt drive to despair and a mother… A mother with whom I have been fortunate enough to share nearly a year of my life. I have watched (sometimes too close to the sidelines sadly) how she has looked after and loved your brother and I know how lucky you are… Treasure her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then Akash, as much as you want and I can be, you will always have, me… your Dad<\/em>.<\/p>\n

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